With the release of Bruce Springsteen’s new protest song, Streets on Minneapolis, it was also announced that tickets will no longer be required for any future Springsteen concerts. It is assumed that there would no longer be any metal-detector vetting or concert security by “Bruce’s Private Army” as well. Inspired by Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, you need only to show up and go right on in. Turnstiles optional. And if you need any help, representatives of Mexico’s drug cartels will be on hand to assist you (for a small fee). As a bonus, free downloading of Springsteen’s catalog of music is now permitted. Copyright restrictions have been lifted.
Likewise, tickets will no longer be required for Jimmy Kimmel Live! or any of his other performances. Simply show up to the El Capitan Entertainment Center in Hollywood by 4:30 pm PST. All barriers to entry are waived. No cost. No documentation. No security. No enforcement of previous requirements. No one will be removed. Free concessions and other services will be provided. Although violence is discouraged, knives, firearms, and other weapons are permitted. Ilhan Omar and Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey applauded the new policy, stating: “Afterall, rape, murder, and fraud are all victimless crimes.” Laken Reilly had no comment.
In a demonstration of unity, Democrat officials nationwide committed to eliminating financial and other entry requirements for all future fund-raising events, and pledged anytime, all the time office appointment availability. Adopting an astounding display of accessibility, Democrat leaders invite you to just show up through any window or ventilation duct (doors not recommended) at any hour – day or night – and they will welcome you! Many are generously offering their offices as sanctuary if you need a place to stay. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez may be hiding under her desk, but make no mistake, she fully supports trespassing across borders without enforcement or consequences.
Juggling Squirrel 